We're Not Professionals - E1

Clancy Denton  0:00  
Welcome to the loud quiet. Ooh, empty nester. Okay. What does that mean?

Rick Denton  0:06  
I think that actually probably is the theme of the test. What are we doing? Let's do this. Let's do this thing. Recording. Yeah. Okay, Craig,

Clancy Denton  0:15  
fans, children just does we need a tissue box up here to follow along on our journey and maybe you know, we can learn from others.

Rick Denton  0:23  
I don't have a clue how to be an empty nester there.

Clancy Denton  0:25  
This is the loud, quiet, living the empty nest.

Rick Denton  0:31  
So what would you like to do on this fine podcast that we are going to embark upon?

Clancy Denton  0:38  
You're just gonna sit there silently that question.

Rick Denton  0:40  
Oh, goodness. So we're actually finally here after weeks of getting set up.

Clancy Denton  0:47  
Yeah, but what are we doing?

Rick Denton  0:51  
I think that actually probably is the theme of the entire test. What are we doing? Exactly? I don't have a clue what we're doing.

Clancy Denton  0:59  
Yeah. No.

Rick Denton  1:02  
Why are we doing this?

Clancy Denton  1:04  
Well, I think we realized that we needed something to do together. We like to do stuff together. But this will be a set. Something that we have come together before the kids leave to kind of get ready for. And we'll continue, hopefully, after the kids leave next week.

Rick Denton  1:30  
Yeah, that's right. One and done. Yeah. Okay. We This was great. We spent three weeks setting up and we're just gonna finish it up

Clancy Denton  1:35  
tons of money and decoration and sweat equity

Rick Denton  1:41  
photo shoots. It's getting a little crazy in front of cameras cats wandering through. No, I know I'm doing it because exactly that I wanted to have something fun to do with you after the kids left. So much of what we do is an as Kid driven. It's still kind of kid driven, though. The rhythms are so many

Clancy Denton  2:03  
of our activities. Even our friends in our friend group, yeah, we're because of what our kids were involved in, right. And now, we're not going to have Friday night football games, we're not going to have weeknight soccer games. Now, some of that had already gone away. But every Friday night, meeting for drinks beforehand with couples that's gone. So not that we're not going to see those people anymore. But we don't have that scheduled activity on our calendar, every single we

Rick Denton  2:39  
have to be done by 730. Let's get our reservation. And now one bonus, though, is we did find out a lot of happy hours because of that game time.

Clancy Denton  2:47  
Yes. But I'd like to venture out of places that we have to be like,

Rick Denton  2:53  
you don't want to always get

Clancy Denton  2:54  
one star. I don't

Rick Denton  2:56  
we have this little this little radius. That is just what's ironic

Clancy Denton  3:00  
is that we went back there last week or two. Right. But

Rick Denton  3:04  
what did I say that I can't wait to go to the store on a Friday night at 715 when everybody's just disappeared from there.

Clancy Denton  3:12  
I think we think that way. But I think we only think that way because we had kids involved. There's a million other people that live in Frisco that don't think, oh, let's not go to the Friday night at the star because yeah,

Rick Denton  3:24  
everything. activity.

Clancy Denton  3:27  
You know, we have things that we enjoy being together. We enjoy activities, we enjoy hiking, we enjoy being outside. Yeah. You know, we're just going to have to be more because now we're going to have every night free. Yeah, every weekend free, minus one word traveling to see the kids.

Rick Denton  3:52  
And I know, like something that I was thinking about as we were kind of approaching this moment is even if it's not activity based, they're just here. Right? Yeah, the kids are there. They're ones that we talked to, I mean, or even just the knowledge that one is upstairs in her room, that she's there now. And I mean, the cat's been wandering in and out of here who knows what that thing's gonna be?

Clancy Denton  4:19  
No, I was sitting on the step with the cat one morning this week, and I was like, This is what it's gonna be. Because you leave for word. I'm here before I leave for work. Yeah, I'm with the cat. When I come home from work. I'll be with the cat. And lots of times the cat doesn't want to be with me. So

Rick Denton  4:41  
shocker. And so yeah, so that's why let's do this. Let's do this thing. And the other reason why I know I wanted to do this is I don't have a clue how to be empty nester, there were so many books of raising a kid you know all the stacks of books that we had about raising a kid and all the stacks of Books and counseling that you go to about getting married and all that. There isn't a whole lot out there about being an empty nester, so I figured we just learned together.

Clancy Denton  5:08  
Exactly and when you tell someone Oh, our youngest is, you know, we're taking our youngest to college. Ooh, empty nester, okay. What does that mean and why? And I don't like the negative. Empty to me is a negative word. It's not always a negative word, but it is. You know, there is sadness. I'm definitely sad. Let's talk about that. We're about to take our youngest.

Rick Denton  5:40  
You're gonna make it through this is episode zero. Are you actually gonna make it through this?

Clancy Denton  5:44  
You know, I told her this morning. I said, this is your last Friday in the south. And she's not even here. She was great. She's

Rick Denton  5:53  
training. She's helping us understand which one we want, you know?

Clancy Denton  5:57  
Okay. Yay, empty nest. But yeah, there's not a lot of like you said, the one book I ordered was 70 pages. The parenting book, Part one was 500.

Rick Denton  6:15  
I think we lost, you know, muscles carrying those books around. So I

Clancy Denton  6:20  
just I think it's just different for everyone. You know, parenting is different for everyone. But you're a parent. When they leave. It totally depends on what relationship you have with your spouse. Yeah, that you're now it's y'all walking around the house, talking to a cat, like a bunch of morons?

Rick Denton  6:46  
Yeah, although we've had practice doing idea beforehand. It is. So the end, that's what this we're going to figure this out. And part of this is to help us explore that and go through that. I know that right now, what I'm feeling kind of in the pre empty nest.

Speaker 1  7:02  
I can't remember I told you this already. But it was I was walking to the parking garage at work. And it was early before most of the people had gotten to the office complex or offices and I was walking through there and I saw my truck. And I started to get weepy of all things, walking through the parking lot getting weepy looking at my truck, because of all the memories that we've had with the kids in that truck. I can visualize Tanner being in his little booster seat going to see VeggieTales I remember going off road with Tegan and her just loving it and the other friends in the car freaking out about it. And it just these memories are flooding back. And it's it's just been a weird period. These last I'd say for me like the last two to three weeks after Ken and I got back from North Carolina. That's when it was there's nothing left. It's just that period of time.

Clancy Denton  7:56  
Well, yeah, and I will say that truck has been here since before we had the kit. There's a lot of pre kid memories in that truck as well.

Rick Denton  8:06  
That's right. So to our listener, know that this truck I bought in December of 2000. We got married in May of 2000.

Clancy Denton  8:13  
I'm ready to let that trunk. I haven't I have no sentimental value towards that truck. Well, I

Rick Denton  8:19  
do. But that's not about the truck. It's about the memories that I had in there.

Clancy Denton  8:24  
And the last you know, I'd say yes, two weeks. We're super busy. I'm trying to get them started packing. You know, we've got two staging areas going because we have two kids that are headed back or in one that's, you know, headed to a new place. And so, these last couple of days, I'm like, Okay, now I'm ready to pick it back up again. Because we had a low where there was nothing more I could do until come next week when they you know, both are leaving and we will be you know, going with them. But you know, this, this podcast actually gave me something to do this summer. On top of everything else that I've been doing to try to get Tegan ready to go first year. Tanner ready to go back. So it did and helped me You know, I painted it, you know, we painted the room, we you know, went shopping and we're doing stuff together to get it ready. So that was a little practice run for us too. But again, we have also I will say we have been really good, really good, probably more so than some couples at you know, when our kids were born and we were blessed to have parents that were able willing wanted to Keep their grandchildren. So we have been very good about carving out time. Yeah, for us trips, date nights. Now, of course, there were lols when it didn't happen, but But we, you know, and I think that was important. And I would pass that on and I have passed that on to all my younger mom friends is you have to keep the relationship with your spouse or you won't know what you're doing.

Rick Denton  10:27  
And so take that, like all those date nights and all that that was those were carve outs. That's what's going to be so different now. It's no longer a carve out. It just is. Yeah. And it's not a date night. It's just Tuesday. And that comes with it being Tuesday. That's great, right, you know, let's go there's no other activity, but it's just okay. But now it's Wednesday. Now it's just this this volume of things. You use it? Well, what were you about to say?

Clancy Denton  10:55  
No, I was just gonna say you just have to give me a heads up because, you know, with my job and my I don't, you know, I don't look like this on the daily. And so

Rick Denton  11:05  
Okay, so those of y'all that are watching this? She does, she's beautiful. And we know that. But yes, I know that I have to I can't just come home and be like, yeah, hey, let's go out and you're in your athletic gear and all that we'll just find athletic places to be. You're talking about being busy. And that's something that had come to mind for me earlier. And I've actually had this thought of,

you know, this is a big moment. And it's a moment filled with elation, we will talk about the elation and that sort of thing. But it's a moment filled with this sense of upcoming loss, a loss of what it was a loss of them being in the house, the relationships that we have them. Well, a lot of times when faced with a big moment people medicate. And I found myself thinking, you know, well, it's not like I'm really medicating by boozing it up. It's not a pill thing or anything like that. I think I've medicated this last few weeks by being busy. I've really, and I didn't even realize it until the moment that I realized it. But exactly this spending an entire weekend and weekends shopping and putting this together. playing Zelda I was about to say playing Zelda actually, it's funny, you mentioned that I was thinking playing Zelda like doing that now part of that is because she's taken the bloomin switch away. And so I got into the gaming and before she leaves, but medicating by being busy. And so what does that look like when they're gone? Because you can't keep doing that. I can't keep working on so many things at once. That's my wife. But

Clancy Denton  12:29  
now we, you know, we are both people that like to be active and like to be doing we like to sit and watch our TV too. But why yes, we're gonna have to find some activities. And that's, you know, that's one of the things that you know, we will talk about,

Rick Denton  12:50  
what are we going to do want to list

Clancy Denton  12:53  
because then I have to do them if I list. Don't want to put something out there that I may not really be interested in. That's right. But now we will you know,

Rick Denton  13:05  
oh, I know that. Like there's all the things we do we already know some of the things was it Father's Day? I got the pickleball set.

Clancy Denton  13:12  
Yes, right now. But don't say that because what if we don't end up doing

Rick Denton  13:18  
not just said I gotta say, I don't know what's gonna happen with that said it could sit there.

Clancy Denton  13:22  
I you know, I mean, we so we leave Thursday. And we will be coming back to this house Monday. Sands children, just us. So

Rick Denton  13:35  
I remember how of sets the wrong word, but I remember how emotional let's just use the generic word I was and I still can visualize it. When Tanner walked away. Oh, yeah. And I got the pictures. I still remember that. But that was you, me and Tegan sitting in the backseat of the car. This time? When Tegan walks away. It's just you and me. And then the thought of coming back here is going to be really, really something Oh, yeah.

Clancy Denton  14:05  
I mean, I cried. And Tanner's room when I was up there putting something away after he went away. Now I'm gonna have, you know, the only room we're probably going to be in upstairs is this one in the, in the if we're watching a movie, I mean, I don't know how much I will be in or, you know, I don't know how much I want to be in the rooms because it's upsetting.

Rick Denton  14:32  
I actually I remember that going into his room. And when he left that first at first semester, I'd probably haven't done it all that much sense but that first semester going in there and just felt weird. And that's I mean, how many different ways are there saying it's gonna feel weird? I just know that as I'm going towards this. I'm not nervous. You know why not nervous because I'm so excited for them. It's just and suddenly our identity is completely

Clancy Denton  15:00  
judged. And it's different with Tanner, because this is his senior year we've done this, you know, it's still sad to say goodbye to him, but we've adapted to him being gone. You know, she's my little buddy.

Rick Denton  15:19  
She is your little buddy. As

Clancy Denton  15:23  
you know, I mean, every morning, she would come home from school from drill team, and we would just dog and afternoons and I don't know, it's gonna be hard. For me, I know, it's gonna be hard for you to but She and I spend a lot of time together. And I'm excited for her. And, you know, you want your kids to go off and have a great experience. And I just, I'm praying that she will, and I know she will. Because she wants to have a good experience. She's so excited. So

Rick Denton  16:05  
that's what I'm gonna miss her. I mean, I'm gonna miss them both, I'm going to miss her so thoroughly because she hasn't been gone. And just because the waters not falling down my cheeks, I I feel like I can kind of feel that knot in my stomach. And it's it's just that that kind of piece of you that gets ripped out. And there's, while I'm out of words, that's that's how you know when I'm emotional is I just don't have words.

Clancy Denton  16:42  
We need a tissue box up here. We

Rick Denton  16:44  
think we know what though, let's, all those emotions. I'm feeling them to. What I do know, though, is, well, I can feel that way. Because of what you said, though, she's so excited about it. And I'm so excited about it. And I don't know if it's the second child part of it, I saw what happened when we grieve for his departure. I know we'll feel the same sort of grief of her departure. But she'll be able to thrive and it'll come around.

Clancy Denton  17:16  
I think like we said, you know, we're doing this for something for us. But also for our friends. We have lots of friends who are already in the empty nest or are about to start the empty nest or, you know, are still behind in the empty nest. But pretty darn close. Yeah. So I think we're doing this, we're us. For them. We want to have some guests on. We want questions. We just, you know, want people to follow along on our journey and maybe you know, we can learn from others. And maybe people can learn from us. And

Rick Denton  17:53  
that's I like anybody to our listener out there. We want to learn from you as well. And so yes, as we go along, heck, we're still learning this thing, but we'll find out the best way. We want to hear questions coming in. We want to hear what you're going to tell us your stories and let us retell your stories or even be able to have your story told on the loud quiet.

Clancy Denton  18:16  
I know we didn't even say the name. Well,

Rick Denton  18:18  
why is it the loud quiet clumsy?

Clancy Denton  18:21  
This is the last What do you mean? Why? Because you wouldn't say it like it's going to be a quiet in your house that is so loud that you just can't ignore it. Yeah. And so yes, this is the loud quiet podcast.

Rick Denton  18:40  
Just I just

Clancy Denton  18:49  
we're not professionals here.

Rick Denton  18:50  
That may not make it into Final Cut.

Clancy Denton  18:53  
While it may be getting the blooper reel, okay, so So yes, this is the loud quiet, living the empty nest. Let's go get a drink.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai