Blue Bags, Big Tears, Bright Futures - E2

Clancy Denton  0:00  
Welcome to the loud quiet. Ooh, empty nester. Okay. What does that mean?

Rick Denton  0:06  
I think that actually probably is the theme of the empty nest. What are we doing? Let's do this. Let's do this thing.

Am I Recording. 

Clancy Denton  0:15  
Okay, Great, Sans, children, Just us, we need a tissue box up here to follow along on our journey and maybe you know, we can learn from others.

Rick Denton  0:23  
I don't have a clue how to be empty nesters, if

Clancy Denton  0:25  
this is the loud, quiet, living the empty nest.

Rick Denton  0:31  
Welcome to the loud quiet. I'm Rick.

Clancy Denton  0:33  
And I'm Clancy. We're so glad you've chosen to join us again, for Episode Two. We just want to thank our listeners so much for all the love and the support. We were truly overwhelmed by the amount of downloads, positive comments, just interest in what we've decided to do. And we really, really appreciate y'all. We appreciate all the shares all the likes. Just thank you so much for coming on this journey with us.

Rick Denton  1:05  
Yeah, it has been truly overwhelming to see the support there. There's a way though, that we want you to be able to engage with us because this journey that we're on is not something that's just glancing me. We're trying to figure it out from learning from others. And so we'd love to hear from you. So send us an email at the loud quiet pod@gmail.com. You also on Spotify, there's now a way that you can kind of do a q&a. So I've got a question sitting out there on Spotify. Where does ask hey, what's a question that you have about the empty nest? What's a tip that you have about the empty nest? And we'd love to get that into the show. So please go out there to Spotify, hit us up on Facebook, DM us there, whatever it is, bring it in and send us a message so that we can make this actually not just two people talking to each other into their cat but rather a conversation with the emptiness community.

Clancy Denton  2:00  
Yes, because we know and I've seen all over Facebook this week, the amount of our friends that are going through the exact same thing. I love seeing all the posts of dropping the kids off at college. And so we know that there are a lot of us going through it. There are a lot of us who have already been through it. We have some wiser people out there listening and we would love to hear tips from how they've been doing it for the last, you know, 20 plus years. So yes, please feel free to hit us up.

Rick Denton  2:35  
Because we're not the experts.

Clancy Denton  2:38  
As we said in our first episode, we are not professionals. So which brings us to our second episode, which if you saw the title this week, we titled it, blue bags, big tears and bright futures. If anyone has taken kids to college in the past, actually, I don't know how many years ago but four years ago when we were taking ours for his freshman year, I guess it was three years. Three years ago. I saw these blue IKEA bags. And here they are on the screen. If you're watching if you're tuning in on Spotify or YouTube TV, I don't know. Sorry, just YouTube.

Rick Denton  3:26  
We're not on YouTube TV yet. We're just a couple knuckleheads telling stories.

Clancy Denton  3:31  
These bags are awesome. If you have a kid who is about to go off to college, if you're moving across country, the amount of stuff that you can put in these bags and pile them into your car. I Tanner drove back solo this year. We had he had five IKEA bags full Teagan had five IKEA bags full. He had a set of golf clubs. I mean, it all fit in his car and they are the best invention in the world. And

Rick Denton  4:08  
I know it sounds like we're doing an Ikea sponsorship. I promise. That hasn't happened. It'd be nifty if it were but no. And what I love is you can actually check them on a plane. Yes.

Clancy Denton  4:18  
So Tanner Tanner still has his original ones from his freshman year and they have yes traveled back and forth by plane he brings his dirty laundry home and then whenever he comes

Rick Denton  4:30  
home with two kids will bring their dirty laundry home.

Clancy Denton  4:35  
But yes, they really are and I have started I mean, they're like $5 and I've started giving them along with another gift to each of when I do graduation gifts

Rick Denton  4:48  
and our secret out I know but but we don't want to give away the secrets.

Clancy Denton  4:53  
But they are amazing, so I can't recommend them with more

Rick Denton  4:59  
big fans of those But you know what I think we're doing here. I think we're just avoiding telling the stories that we experienced this weekend because it is now. Okay, what is it? Today's Wednesday? Yes. And we got back on Monday. This was after Thursday flight to Arizona Tanner left on Tuesday, the prior one day the way it was extended weekend. And that's now two days here in the empty home. But there was a lot that happened this weekend.

Clancy Denton  5:24  
Yes, there was. And I have my I have my tissue. And for those of my listeners who watched the housewives, I have formed it into my Candace triangle. So those of you who know well know, I'm hoping I can hold it together. I'm going to try. I did break down yesterday when I opened the pantry and saw her ramen in there that she didn't finish before she left. But I've kept myself busy these past couple of days. And so

Rick Denton  5:56  
that has been a key part of it. And maybe in a future one that we'll talk about being here. I definitely want to talk about the the weekend that we were experiencing. It has been though, it's been weird what the triggers for tears have been and you it was ramen. For me. It was a parking lot. I'm driving teens car right now. And she has a bunch of her little stuffed crapped plastic crap in there. And yeah, I'm suddenly seeing them being like the horse fell off. Like, oh my gosh, it's it's worse. I can't read the name of all her toys or anything like that. But oh,

Clancy Denton  6:29  
what is the horse's name? I think it's Wells Fargo.

Rick Denton  6:35  
That's a totally brought to you by Wells Fargo again. Yeah, yeah. So we flew out there and the whole you know what, for me, it was almost like we were on a treadmill or one of those moving sidewalks because that's what it just felt like, you could never stop like it was just step after step that got you closer and closer and closer to the moment. And there were moments of greatness moments of not so greatness. It just there was just a spirit of inevitability the whole weekend that I felt the entire time. Well,

Clancy Denton  7:08  
and to me, and I was telling someone this, it almost felt like we were just going on a trip because she all of her stuff was gone with Tanner. We each just had our carry on bag. And that was it. So it really felt like we were just going to Arizona. Yes. We both of our kids are in Arizona, which is totally surreal. Yes.

Rick Denton  7:34  
We're Texan. We've been here. So yeah, that's right. I guess we got our youngest at University of Arizona. Our oldest is at Arizona State. Yes.

Clancy Denton  7:41  
So Rival Schools in a different state 16 hours. So yes,

Rick Denton  7:47  
they moved closer to be closer to each other and as far away from us, maybe we should explore that. But it

Clancy Denton  7:53  
was really just felt like, Oh, we're just you know, going on vacation. And it was just it was a four day of high highs. low lows. Some moments of Oh, no. Which we'll get into yet. Yeah, it was. I mean, luckily. Thank you. Southwest Airlines. Again, not as smart. But everything was on time. You know, Tegan was very concerned about just getting there. No delays, no cancellations. And everything like totally smooth

Rick Denton  8:37  
which should have been our first sign that this wasn't a normal weekend wasn't a normal trip because we seem to have cancellations. Yeah, it wasn't because what do we do that first night Oh, we found some local burger shop to go burgers we checked on hotel we were just kind of enjoying a vacation there

Clancy Denton  8:54  
we shopped burgers yes after burger we started

Rick Denton  8:58  
to burn how many targets and how many Walmart's did we go to in one town

Clancy Denton  9:07  
and okay in Tucson I think we went to three targets and four Walmart's which is nearly 100% of the targets and also an ad home a Asian market and then we buy and Bath and Body in the mall. So yeah, I think we hit everything which the Tucson mall if you want to take a trip down memory lane, if any. If anyone grew up in the what's called the eighth AB especially I mean it felt like I was walking into Collin Creek mall in Plano if you know what that is or the one violent

Rick Denton  9:47  
Barton Creek I mean I was expecting to see a bugle boy what was the record store? Oh, now Brainfart in the record store that was always one sound warehouse but was another one. It really was like

Clancy Denton  10:00  
that. Contempo casual would have been units. Units how to Bannatyne then it's a bit of banter.

Rick Denton  10:09  
So again, we're avoiding your stories, the feelings that we had, but it was we, I think, an element of that first night, it's still kind of felt unreal, yes, we shopped and we shopped late. And it was that but it still wasn't the day of shopping, you know. And so we get up that next day. And I think you went out of the gym, I have gone for a walk in the neighborhood that time but then eat breakfast, and then it was go. And it was, here's a here is a tip. If you're actually dropping kids off to school, don't choose the store that's right next to the campus, find the one that's away from campus because one is not crowded, it actually has items. It's amazing how quickly these places get sold out. And that was actually kind of fun. And I can't believe I'm saying that. But watching her pick out stuff for her room and this rug or that frame or this light or that even getting a succulent that she was able to give to her roommate. That was something that was fun.

Clancy Denton  11:09  
It was fun. And because we were coming from further out of state and had to take a plane, we couldn't pack everything, you know, I knew she was going to need more storage things. So yes, we did have to go and buy. And that's another tip. If you are doing something like that, make sure you rent some sort of SUV because you will not be able to know right. So yeah, so no, that was that was a good date. We went to campus, we went to the bookstore, we which is required.

Rick Denton  11:40  
I think every parent every visit, there's actually a spending minimum that if you don't meet that they add it to your tuition bill. So you have to go to the bookstore and buy stuff. Yeah,

Clancy Denton  11:48  
we got to see her dorm because when we did the tour, she hadn't decided where she was going to go. So we really didn't pay attention all that much to the dorms or those kind of things. So we got to see her dorm. So no, that was a good day we Tanner drove from Phoenix and met us that night. It was that night. Yep. And we got to meet the roommate and her parents, lovely people. Yeah, that weren't very happy with how they ended up together. And

Rick Denton  12:20  
then we went to dinner with the family. And that was, I don't think we have a picture that we may share that but that was we've got it was just fun. You worry about that. Because yes, the kids have met each other online, they've talked a little bit about it with each other. But you don't really know. And I guess we still don't know, there's going to be a ton of discovery. What I knew about my roommate in the first week is not what I knew about my roommate, by the end of the year, different story different time won't be on the record.

Clancy Denton  12:47  
And my roommate was my, you know, best friend in high school. And, you know, we just knew that we were going to room together so yeah, it's it's really different now how these kids find their roommates, especially if they're going to schools, like both markets who known right, no one at either one of their schools. And

Rick Denton  13:10  
that's one of the big worries. So all the things that we worry about as a parent that we want our kids to go into college, we want our kids to enjoy college, we want him to thrive in college. Well that's a specific thing that you worry about as well they meet people will they and when you're sending your child that far away and by choice we didn't send her she chose to go that far away but she purposely went to play she knew no one and that opportunity to meet a ton of people well, that's taking somebody out of a comfort zone that you know maybe we don't necessarily see in their high school experience and so you're hoping they do that on their college experience and you just

Clancy Denton  13:50  
pray and hope that their roommates not a psycho which so far so good. Let's

Rick Denton  13:56  
flip that though. They're praying and hoping as well. So again, so far so good. Yeah, and but that almost not but and that reinforced that it was a vacation. Yeah, we did some shopping we did all kind of sit but would Tanner comes down or does meeting people. We're having some dinner where Evans margaritas and some pretty darn good Tucson Mexican food is very good stuff there.

Clancy Denton  14:23  
We have lots of Tucson recommendation for restaurant if anyone needs them because we like to find unique different places. Now the roommates parents picked this and it was excellent. But we had some really good we had some really good food this

Rick Denton  14:39  
good. This is one that had been around 100 years el Charro downtown. Great place. It still felt because then we all went back to the hotel Tanner's with us. Oh actually no wouldn't be dropped to you gotta this. This will show the difference between our two kids. Tegan is worn out and all of us are worn out but it's eight o'clock and yes to our bodies. It's 10 o'clock. Well We do Tanner Clanton are like, I still want to go out and get another drink. So we found a local pub and had a had a pint there and enjoyed spending time with Tanner. I know a lot of what we're talking about now is Tegan. He too is being dropped at a school and we're leaving him for his senior year.

Clancy Denton  15:16  
And Tegan like you said they're just different kids, she has to recharge by being by herself or as Tanner recharges by being with 500 people. So and we were to stop. Yes. So

Rick Denton  15:29  
but he was happy for to have his beer paid for. So that always is good. Yeah. So yeah. So we came back, and then then it Saturday.

Clancy Denton  15:36  
And, and her move in time was so late in the ER, like, early afternoon. But yeah, we were getting up at the crack of dawn, because to our bodies, it was you know, two hours later than what it was. So we're just sitting there just counting down the

Rick Denton  15:58  
back to that tread, not treadmill, but that moving sidewalk where it's just taking you to that moment, that reinforced it even more for me, and I don't I don't know that I thought about it in the moment. But I knew that it was just this march towards something that I clearly want. But it's a march toward something that my emotions don't clearly want. And that's sitting around that morning. I know

Clancy Denton  16:21  
it was it was it was torturous for me. I mean, luckily, yes, there you went walked I went down and did stuff in the gym. But yeah, I mean, I was just like, let's, let's get the show once a week. Got it. Because, yeah, your emotions are just sitting there. And you know that, you know, yeah, it was just it was It was torture.

Rick Denton  16:46  
So then we go to lunch. And, again, everything that we want for our child is to hear how positive things are, how wonderful things are and how awesome they are. So we this was when we just needed to eat early, right? We were eating like 1050 11 o'clock because he needed to move in at noon and all that kind of stuff. Well, we're going to the line the guy goes Oh, a University of Arizona. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I'm I think Tegan is the one who actually spoke. I'm moving in today. Oh, yeah. Well, Tucson sucks.

Clancy Denton  17:16  
You're gonna like the university. But this town's

Rick Denton  17:21  
going? Yeah, well, of course, the rival was saying that. But I'm like, wait, no, what do you do? And you can't say that? And

Clancy Denton  17:28  
I would. Yeah. And I will say we love to. We enjoyed our time there. Yeah. It was great. Yes.

Rick Denton  17:37  
Rained with mountains. Yeah, the desert style. I love it out there. So

Clancy Denton  17:41  
I mean, yeah, but that's not what you want to hear. And well, as you're going to move in, get your key and move into the dorm. Please. Yay. So yeah, that was a little. But so yeah. So you know, we started moving. Like I said, it was really different with a girl. I don't think it took us that long to do Tanner's move.

Rick Denton  18:05  
Let me Can I say something before we get to that? I find that it's the quiet moments that I start to feel in. And it was weird that I wasn't necessarily tear filled later. But as we're driving to the dorm, on whatever Broadway whatever street that was, I'm starting to get upset. Nobody's really talking on the car because well,

Clancy Denton  18:29  
it was just you and me. Because she was with Tanner with tan. That's right. Yeah, she wasn't even in the car. So

Rick Denton  18:34  
she's not even in the car. I'm still in my vacation to Tucson and it's starting to hit me and I'm and I felt like some bad bad English song came on. So you know, then you get the ad slow dance sadness, too. And it was really hard just driving to the dorm. To realize this is the youngest. Yeah, she's gone.

Clancy Denton  18:57  
And then you flip into Go, go, go, go, go, go, go go. Yeah, I mean, it was you know, okay,

Rick Denton  19:02  
so you have 30 minutes to get the box upstairs. Well, we have so much stuff. We gotta get the bin. Yeah. Oh, wait, they're gonna take it as if we stay for more than 30 minutes. Like everything was 30 minutes. So set the alarm, get your bed, get your run in and where's the elevator, all that kind of stuff. Tanner and I are running back. Thank God Tanner was there. But you're right. It's that hectic mode. I don't think we have a picture of it. But the explosion in the hallway. Thank God we were moving in early.

Clancy Denton  19:23  
And yes, that was a explosion of stuff.

Rick Denton  19:26  
I should probably say not not literal explosion.

Clancy Denton  19:28  
That was a bonus getting to move and because she chose to do an optional camp freshman camp, getting to move in early. I mean, we had so much space in the hallways, they could build their shells, they could put together their you know, all everything that we needed to put together. We can unload slowly from the hallway into the room because there was you know, only a handful of people moving in our hall. So that was awesome. So

Rick Denton  19:58  
it took a long time.

Clancy Denton  20:00  
We were there it was, we got there at, you know, 1245 at 645. And we still weren't completely done because we had a list of stuff that we needed to get the next day it was, we gotta go get something to eat because this is when the first break down happened.

Rick Denton  20:21  
I want to do well, I want to talk about moving in just a little bit when we were going in, because one thing that I would say, map out all of your electronics and determine how many cords and extension cords you need. Part of the reason that we went to Target Walmart best buy as many times as we did, is all of the stupid extension cords that we had to buy, because you never know how many things oh, man, it's it's insane.

Clancy Denton  20:48  
I mean, there are tons of plugs in that room. But yeah, when you're trying to plug in, yeah, and lamps and chargers. And yeah, I mean, it's just it's a lot.

Rick Denton  20:57  
And so I was thinking about I was laughing about that, because I was thinking about what I plugged in, in my freshman dorm. And I think it was oh, lamp.

Clancy Denton  21:07  
No way an alarm clock and a TV. We had a TV in ours. So but yeah, oh yeah.

Rick Denton  21:13  
Play cute. ivaldi

Clancy Denton  21:17  
it was it probably weighed 80 pounds. And it was you know, barely.

Rick Denton  21:23  
I bet it costs more than the TV the tanner just bought today.

Clancy Denton  21:27  
But yeah, I mean, yeah, you we didn't have you know, that alarm clock your phone plugged into the phone. Jack, you didn't need a plug for your phone. So yeah, no, there what? Yeah, totally different. I don't think I had a power strip in my dorm room.

Rick Denton  21:44  
Yeah. And I only looked at Pinterest a little bit my freshman year to see. So I want to design my freshman room.

Clancy Denton  21:50  
I will say my dad did bring, oh, my roommate and I a little because at that time, he was working for the furniture side of Penny's company that they bought. So he brought us a little magnetic with all the shapes of our bed. And so we could try to figure out how to lay out the room. Yeah, it didn't matter.

Rick Denton  22:16  
Oh, that's so dad. I mean, that's such a dead thing to do. And I felt like I drew that out when we finally got

Clancy Denton  22:23  
and then them trying to get the carpet because that's when you would buy your rugs at the camp and number of there would be like someone out there with a truck with the rugs that didn't fit the room size. So here's the two dads trying to cut. Oh, yeah, there

Rick Denton  22:41  
was carpet Enders. Because that's because the dude selling out of the back of the truck, which, again, we bought stuff out of the back of the truck. But it was I can't remember the term but is the end of the roll that they couldn't sell. So you get all the carpet ends and cheese. Yeah, so we were exhausted. I mean, just rip tired. And so we knew Tegan had this request. I want to go to a place that just has a bunch of choices. She didn't have really a style. So we found some place that looked kind of cool in downtown Tucson, which is only a few minutes away. And I'm driving. I got kind of quiet.

Clancy Denton  23:17  
Yeah. And it actually started up in her dorm room though. Oh, I did that. Yes. I think you were out in the hallway. And I turned around, and she was bawling. And I was like, Oh, no. And I was like, so then of course, I started bawling. And I'm like, what's wrong, what's wrong? And she couldn't express what was wrong. And I said, let's go get food. You're tired. You know, it's been a long day. There's been you know, let's just go. So that's when we got in the car. And yes, that's when you turn or I turned to turn around and I was like, quiet because she was crying again. And finally she said, I miss my cat. And I, we said, Okay, let's get

Rick Denton  24:05  
you said that. Yeah, no, it was murky right

Clancy Denton  24:09  
now. But we got some food. She was fine. That later that night after we had dropped her back off. I told you, I thought she was gonna say, I want to go back home. Yeah, like I've really had that feeling of, oh my gosh, I'm going to be one of those moms that posts on the college Facebook page. My daughter said she doesn't want to stay. I mean, I really, and I knew in my heart that that's not what she was feeling what you're feeling I was. She was so upset. And yeah, so likely,

Rick Denton  24:47  
it was good that like the meal was really like that part was good to have that meal because it did change things. We were able to laugh again. We were able to

Clancy Denton  24:56  
and while we were talking Yes. And while we were sitting there her roommate texted our said, Hey, let's do this tonight. That's right. And so what's been watch some? Yeah,

two years. Yeah. So

we're like, great. We took her back. You know, we went back to our hotel by ourselves left her, you know, just spend the night in her dorm for the first night. And was weird. Yeah.

Rick Denton  25:21  
When you when you walk away from your kid at the dorm now I think exhaustion is an incredible what's the word? I'm looking for meditator? Like it, sir. Okay, why I'll see a tea and I don't care anymore. Just go.

Clancy Denton  25:36  
You're just so physically and emotionally just Yeah, wiped out. And I forgot the thing that made us feel when we got back to drop our office door. That's when she walked up. And there was a girl trying to figure out how to use her ID to get into the dorm. And so we saw Tegan walk up and it was like, Oh, you do it like this. And they walked up together. She lives on her Hall, she met her you know, we're like, you could just breathe a sigh of relief. That moment. She's going to be okay.

Rick Denton  26:08  
Yeah, that moment, where you see your kid zero interaction, I'd like to say we're not a very hands on parenting kind of group. But when z she gets out of the car, she's gone. And she approaches her independently and it could have been okay, here's how you to bike or not even by just walked by her. But it was immediately they walked together. And you saw that we're sitting in the car, you can't hear anything. And you see them walking together and talking, that that wave of peace just comes over you because that's what you want. You know, your child has ripped themselves out of their entire support network. And you're praying that they build a new one, and they're gonna have to do it on their own. Because there's plenty of parents that tried to do that for their kids. It's ridiculous. We went in and it wouldn't work anyway. But to see them her do it. Absolutely. But we knew Hey, we're not leaving her for good. We'll see her tomorrow at this. You know, just regular bear down can't breakfast right. There's nothing emotional to discover. No.

Clancy Denton  27:13  
And, you know,

Rick Denton  27:14  
that was of course after shopping.

Clancy Denton  27:17  
Oh, we got up early and had to go run and get a couple of things. But

Rick Denton  27:21  
when does Lowe's open? Yeah, that's what I was looking at. But

Clancy Denton  27:25  
the bear drought bear down brunch was great. That's the that's the you have a motto is Bear Down is there has nothing to it. There. The Wildcats has nothing to do with that. There's a story. Google it. So I'm very well done. You know, she had already told us so many stories about you know, she and her roommate walked around and explored and, you know, so that was great. The brunch was great. They got into there. It's basically like a pine Cove or Sky Ranch for the week is why it's

Rick Denton  28:02  
a summer. sleepaway camp any brand Yeah, that's what it felt like. Now the kids are still sleeping in their dorms. They're not going anywhere. They used to go somewhere COVID Stop that. It was even though the woman's presentation the student you just got the sense of security how it was the student affairs office or something supports the Dean of Students, Dean of Students, but her specific assistance or whatever it was, how many resources they have available. And the one that got Tegan so excited. was one day a week they bring in puppies, okay, well, and some therapy animals and that sort of stuff. And then she was talking about that in the shit. Oh, and we also bring a cat that's so fat that we have to wheel them in in a stroller. And Clancy's Oh, when do I get to go see the fat cats? And when you

Clancy Denton  28:47  
see that cat in the stroller, you better send us all a picture. So yeah, no, it was very well done. They got their group. She was so excited about the group that she got

Rick Denton  28:56  
hopped right up. I went straight to things that we didn't necessarily see in high school and younger Tegan. This was she was embracing the new Well, that's what you want.

Clancy Denton  29:07  
And this is so tn when she opened the folder and she said there's a schedule for the week. That is her. She's been so regimented her entire with competitive cheer, the drill team, she's so used to having routine schedule. And that was what she said that morning. She said, I think I was upset because I didn't know what I was going to do when I got back to my room because I didn't have an activity plan for that evening. So she knows that she craves that. But so yeah, so they go off in their groups. And then they only

Rick Denton  29:47  
been told set this up. We'd only been told it was going to be a parent information session. That's what was on the agenda. And I even said to Clancy, I've said enough parent information sessions in my life you want to go leave a cup of coffee walk around campus. Some no of course, we didn't do that. So.

Clancy Denton  30:03  
So they say, all right, parents open the envelope on your table.

Rick Denton  30:09  
It said Do not open. Yeah, we thought it was gonna be financial aid crap.

Clancy Denton  30:12  
So we opened it up and it was blank paper and envelopes and they're like, this is your time to write a letter to your child, which I had already done and for both of them and put in their suitcase, it has been pat me on the back cute

Rick Denton  30:29  
smug music here.

Clancy Denton  30:31  
So you know, and they were walking around with tissue boxes and and Tegan is to write a write a letter to your kid Yeah. And that they were going to give to them at the end of this week of camp, just

Rick Denton  30:46  
kids didn't know about now. They thought we were at some and we were like, well, what do we tell them? So we said some fun that they didn't ask that was gonna be financial aid. But,

Clancy Denton  30:53  
but I loved when chickens roommates dad got back to the table. He said, there's like four big dads in the bathroom crying. And Rick said, I should do that here at the table. I got nothing.

Rick Denton  31:07  
I don't know if it's second child or just who I am. But I'm, I'm, I'm not much of a baller. But I am definitely tears running down my face as I'm writing this letter. And I feel it in my throat right now. Just Well, there's the pressure of how do I communicate all the love and the guidance and the emotions that you feel in this tiny little bit of time. And just this, you want it to be special in meaningful and it's improv and we

Clancy Denton  31:37  
don't want to forget something, you know, I already had mentally in my head, everything I was going to say to her when we left. But yeah, it's just again, those emotions are just, they're just simmering, they're just simmering right here, like right up in your throat. And you just know that in about an hour and a half. They're just gonna release because that's when you're gonna be hugging her and walking away. And you feel it. So, yeah, so yeah, that was great. Chicken came again, had an awesome time. So then

Speaker 1  32:17  
that, so let's This is the highs and lows, the emotion that we feel as parents, I think a lot of times is rooted in the loss that you have of the past. And fear of the future. We can't change the loss of the past. That's you grieve for that. But that fear of the future, feeds that emotion too. And then when your kid comes bounding back and going, Oh, my gosh, we met all these people. And I bonded with this girl and she's got a cat, I was asked for her number. And I started to get the number out and I had a picture of my cat and all that. And you hear the stories and it, it makes those, the fear part of the loss does not go away. But the fear starts to subside. And you see the joy that your kid has not the anxiety that your kid had, but the joy that they have of what they're about to experience. And you realize that's what I want as a parent is that joy for my kid.

Clancy Denton  33:06  
Yeah. And that's what you know. So then we were on our Hi, this is for those of you who are watching a picture of us after her brunch and on our way to say goodbye and I

Rick Denton  33:19  
and she's bubbly.

Clancy Denton  33:22  
Yeah, and I mean, I love this picture because their campuses are beautiful. I mean, I would want to go to school out there it is.

Rick Denton  33:31  
I'm thinking about getting a job out there.

Clancy Denton  33:34  
It is. Both ASU and you have a have just gorgeous campuses. So

Rick Denton  33:41  
So yeah, so it was 100 and kabillion degrees, and yet it still felt great. So yeah, but it

Clancy Denton  33:45  
actually it was it was cooler there than it was here. So no, it was we had awesome weather. But so yeah, so now it was time to say goodbye. And you know, that was she? I said do you want us we walked back to her dorm room. I said do you want to come say goodbye to us at the car or do you want to come and she said no in the hallway and then everyone broke in Yeah,

Rick Denton  34:17  
yeah. I started to walk away with my backdoor because that's what you do. You turn away and you walk away. And then I realized, I think I think I nudged you. I think we both did it. And we turned around and walk backwards. Yeah, because not forget that image of walking away from her because it's the reverse of Tanner. Yeah, he walked away from us. He was in the parking garage. He walked away from the car. And I have that and maybe it's not healthy, but I still have that image in my mind of him walking and then he goes down the stairs and he's actually kind of backlit, so it's like he's going into some ether. Well, Tegan was at a room so we walk away and I mean, I will never forget that she yeah She's crying. And then we turn the corner. That's it.

Clancy Denton  35:06  
Got in our car to drive to Phoenix. Now.

Rick Denton  35:11  
We sat there for we and

Clancy Denton  35:13  
we prayed for Tegan. Yeah. And yeah. Would you say?

Rick Denton  35:19  
I can't. I'd like to do a little prayer. I'd like to pay there in some some prayer, because

Clancy Denton  35:25  
I could not speak. Oh, it wasn't like

Rick Denton  35:27  
I was really great. On an art. Yeah. And that is one thing that was made this weird. So like, we could stop right here. And that was everything about that part of it. That's the moment that we became empty nesters. Then we decided to take an hour and a half trip to go see our son in Tempe because he was moving in the next day. And it just makes sense because the two schools are right next to each other. We had dinner with him at Felts. That was another part of it that just made it feel a little different in that, hey, now we're off and running.

Clancy Denton  35:57  
It gave a little buffer, I guess. Even like than just because what Tanner we got on the plane and left and bald on the plane and bald and the airport after the dust storm is over. Yeah, yes. Yes. If you've ever sat through a boob.

Rick Denton  36:17  
There's nothing naughty. They called him

Clancy Denton  36:19  
boobs and they are crazy. But you know, so that was different and it kind of gave a nice made it a little less harsh.

Speaker 1  36:33  
It made it a little less harsh. And you know what it did? To me, it reminded me. We didn't have that with Tanner. We just went back. We didn't know what it was like to have a college kid. Now we still had Tegan at home by going to see Tanner. It reminded me that this is okay. This is what you want. Tanner's a thriving senior who actually doesn't care if we help him move in or not. And, and he was thankful that we were there and we took him to dinner into a bar and that sort of stuff. What was that? Was

Clancy Denton  37:01  
that that was that Uncle Sal, that was excellent restaurant if you're in

Rick Denton  37:05  
a little title one of your shows in Scottsdale.

Clancy Denton  37:08  
Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that that really kind of soften the blow a little bit. And he didn't need our moving in. We wanted to see his place. And we did the next morning. He did give us a target list that we went and because when I got there, I said, you don't have any toilet paper, or paper towels. Can y'all go to Target? I said yes. And then while we're at Target we proceeded to so that it was nice and getting to see his the his roommates from freshman year are all living back together again senior year and it's a great group of boys. They've they've remained friends and Tanner has lived with one of them every year but great group of kids, their townhome is amazing. It just makes you feel good to know that. Yes. Like you said, she's gonna be okay. He's, you know, you just said it right driving.

Rick Denton  38:08  
He's living with the same guys that he met freshman year, she may be building lifelong relationships. Now I tell my story that a freshman roommate that probably wouldn't get to live with again, if she's still, but I've met lifelong friends that friends that I just saw last week or whatnot. And last week to three weeks ago. She's going to experience that same thing. Yes. And seeing him help with that as well. It didn't. Did did so when we did say bye to him though. It wasn't as emotional because we've said bite him enough times. But as at the airport. That was like, you know, we'd had plenty to eat plenty to drink. Our bodies were probably done with any food and bevvies and yet, I still made sure that there was something poured for me there at the lounge while we waited. It it was weird getting on that plane knowing that we're not going home on a temporary thing. This is this is the the it?

Clancy Denton  39:00  
Yes. And it was the best thing that you can get is a text from your child that you've just left your baby, saying, oh my gosh, we had so much fun last night. You know, almost every single one of her texts, which this is also a child who doesn't doesn't text. I don't know who Yeah, are we sure actually doesn't

Rick Denton  39:26  
10 I'm gonna need you to go down and check with Tegan.

Clancy Denton  39:28  
But, you know, I don't think we've gotten one negative text from

Rick Denton  39:34  
her comically just she was griping that the other team is winning.

Clancy Denton  39:37  
Yes. That's just our competitive nature coming out. But so that just makes you feel so good. And then we did get several of those. Yes. And then we get on the plane. And then you send that text. It's all mushy to them. And so then I'm crying on the plane. Sorry, I was feeling

Rick Denton  39:56  
the emotions.

Clancy Denton  39:58  
So then I'm crying In the seats,

Rick Denton  40:01  
you'll get oh, I fully expected a flight attendant. Come on. Are y'all okay

Clancy Denton  40:05  
now? Yeah. I was one of them. We don't care. Okay. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. My new take? No. The only reason I can say that is because I was one for several years. So yeah, so you sent that text and so then we're crying again. And then we get the text from Tanner. That threw us right back into reality. Oh, yeah. Yes. So this is this is a shout out to Rick's.

Rick Denton  40:42  
Yes. So Phil Davis, if you're listening to this one shout out to you for coming with this idea. We're gonna do this in each episode. If we have, we're not yet fabricated. But if there is one, and it's texts from our kids. Yeah. So remember, emotional. Yeah,

Clancy Denton  40:57  
we were so yes. so emotional. So proud. Yeah.

Rick Denton  41:01  
Can you send me your Gmail password so I can log into YouTube TV?

Clancy Denton  41:05  
You know, that just threw us right back into business reality. Yeah, I've seen that post that people say, if you want your kids to text or call you change your Netflix password. So yeah, I'm glad they were getting all their entertainment setup. So

Rick Denton  41:24  
and to be fair to our kids. Yes, that is a funny text that is, at least Tanner has always been a consistent texture and color. We've been surprised by Tikkun Well, there it is. So we get home drive home. I'm not going to narrate the drive home. It's the Tollway there wouldn't traffic so apparently we're in another university did that. We come in, there's only one person to talk to and it's not a person. And he wouldn't come out right away

Clancy Denton  41:50  
for a while but then he did. And then he did not leave our sides the entire day night. He's in here right now.

Rick Denton  42:00  
Dude, yeah. Crazy cat but so this is the beginning of it. I mean, that was you know, that's talking about the kids that's talking about them in college. We're about to have to figure out how to do the the real life right we'll still be interactive, but now they're there. Yeah. And so silly thing Well, well, that's what we're doing here. We're gonna try to figure that out together. i It has been weird this week. It has been weird and then it's been not weird at times. We've got plenty of time and plenty of episodes to talk about that it's just this is that moment they're dropped off there at school and now where the empty nest

Clancy Denton  42:43  
yes we are. Oh, I thought you're about to cry. No. I held it together pretty pretty well.

Rick Denton  42:49  
Whatever housewives trying

Clancy Denton  42:51  
my triangle a couple of times but I held it together so yeah, no, I mean it is I have noticed that I've have to turn on something like listen to a podcast on my phone while I'm in now. Have something on because it is the loud quiet yeah

Rick Denton  43:12  
yeah, it the house does have a quiet to it that is overwhelmingly loud, hence the name. Well, I do want to I know that that kind of brings us to the end of today. Not that we had an agenda or anything that that just wanted to talk to each other and tell some stories and hit record and share it with all of y'all. I do I do want to the business side of it. I do want to reinforce Hey, this is this is an episode this this is a podcast that we want you all engagement on and so we we want you to be a part of the loud quiet and doing so. So messages again, it's the loud quiet pod@gmail.com It's also on Facebook and then the q&a option there in Spotify as well. So want to hear your questions. Want to share your tips? Yeah, if

Clancy Denton  43:56  
you have a topic that you want us to explore, please let us know if if you'd like to be a future guest please let us know we have

Rick Denton  44:07  
a few queued up already ready. If you're listening to this, we you know we're going to be hitting you up to be a guest.

Clancy Denton  44:13  
But again, y'all thanks for listening. And

Rick Denton  44:18  
we haven't come up with a good closure yet. No. We will. This is only episode two. So we're proving that we're still not professionals. But it is I do. It was just another great time. You know what a great time to be with you recording another episode of the loud quiet

Clancy Denton  44:35  
living the empty nest

Transcribed by https://otter.ai