The Question That Started It All - E107

Rick Denton (00:04)
Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of The Loud Quiet. As you can tell, we are back on the road. Another trip from Phoenix to Tucson this time. No, I know, I used to love how the lighting looks in this. So not so sunny, big hurricanes, rains, and that sort of thing coming through. We're heading down to parents' weekend and got to thinking about all of the great new members.

Clancy Denton (00:12)
is sunny.

Rick Denton (00:29)
in the Loud Quiet community. Hello to all of y'all that are new. Hello to all of y'all that have been a part of us for a while. For those that are hearing it for the first time, you can head over to theloudquiet.com and that'll give you access to how to get over to the community and all of the other Loud Quiet elements as well. But because there's so many new folks, we kind of realized, huh, we've never told the origin story of why we even started a podcast.

what it looked like in the beginning days.

Clancy Denton (01:00)
Yeah, I don't think that very many people know kind of.

what kicked this off. Yeah, it's not a great story, but it is.

Rick Denton (01:11)
Little dramatic too.

It's a great story because of outcome.

Clancy Denton (01:23)
They have the ending, you know, as many of y'all, when that last child is still home and it's senior year and you're doing all the things senior year related, your focus is really on them. And you know, we had always done a very good job of also focusing on each other, you know, taking trips.

I felt like we had done a very good job of that throughout all of the years of raising our kids. One night, Rick and I were out and we were on our way home.

and I heard something this week on one of the podcasts that I listened to that said, and the person said, you know, vodka makes me get into my feelings. Well, there was some vodka involved and we were on the way home and I looked at Rick and I said, what if I don't like us when she leaves?

As the words were coming out of my mouth, I was like, I kinda can't believe I'm saying this, but I was obviously feeling some kind of way.

Rick Denton (02:52)
Yeah, this wasn't going to be something you made up. These were intense words, so wasn't, you know, ha ha, the vodka part, but there was deep truth in there. even though hearing you tell it now, it sounds almost more, almost passive, like a pondering, what if I don't? That's not how my ears heard it at that time. My ears heard it, that I mean, ice in my veins as soon as I heard that just went almost numb.

My ears heard. I don't think I'm going to like you when she leaves.

Clancy Denton (03:27)
Yeah, and of course that's not what I was feeling because we were very good friends before we even started dating. So we had that friendship built and we have remained friends, you know, the entire time through our marriage. I know that doesn't always happen for everyone, but we like to have a good time together.

We laugh together, we enjoy each other's time, but I think I just had a freak out of there's not going to be a third or fourth person for me to put my time and energy into. It's just gonna be the two of us.

Rick Denton (04:16)
we've been raising kids then what would that be? You know that depending how you count 21 years at that point You said there that we've been friends and did all the fun things But we've also had hard times in our marriage and we've made it through those hard times But at that moment hearing that sentence knowing how dramatic the change of life was about to be for us That scared the pee out of

I remember going back to the home and I just sat on the side of the bathtub both literally and metaphorically with my head in my hands thinking did the woman that I love just tell me that she's thinking that she's seeing an end to this and it scared me to my core.

Clancy Denton (04:59)
And again, that was not my intention at all. I think it was just a wake up call of, okay, we're about to do this and it's just gonna be us. We need to make sure that we are protecting that relationship. And so fast forward probably, I'd say two months, I had already started kind of delving into, are there any books out there?

are there any studies what's going on with this empty nest phase there really isn't a lot out there about that and so

I literally was in the shower one morning and probably late, maybe early June, but it was early June.

I just was sitting there and I don't know. I mean, I'm sure it was a God thing. Why don't we start a podcast to help each other and possibly help others? I wasn't really even thinking about that helping others as much as I just saw it as a way for us to get connected. So I got out of the shower and...

You already had a podcast, so I knew that you knew how to do things, and I brought the idea to you. I mean, was not even a, mm, let's think about it. was no, let's do it.

Rick Denton (06:30)
Yeah, it was such a lightning bolt moment. That you said it was reflexive because it was so right. It answered all those questions about OK, how are we going to stay connected? What does that look like? What's something we can do? You know all the cliche jokes. Are we going to do pickleball? Are we going to play golf together? All that it was such an obvious choice for who we are as a couple and.

with you that you know the intentions of the beginning were not that this even would necessarily be long-running or even that anybody would listen other than you and me as we listened to episodes. It was always intended to be well how can we stay connected and process what it means to become Empty Nesters, what it means to enjoy it, what it means to thrive in that Empty Nest life.

Clancy Denton (07:19)
Yeah, so we started our studio that you see now was our playroom and it was painted navy blue. I had the kids, star signs. I had done everybody's sign in the house and done the star layout of their signs. And so I said, well, we have that room. Why don't we transform it into a studio?

And so we did and there is a time lapse video of that on our YouTube channel.

Rick Denton (07:52)
Yeah, it's this cool little time lapse of how it transforms from a kid room to our studio. And we go back and look at that because it is both a physical transformation, but it's a metaphorical transformation for us that it transforms from this space that was used for them.

Now this space is used for us

Clancy Denton (08:11)
we had the mindset that we are going to record our first episode when we get back from dropping Teagan off at school. we had that goal that we are, if we are going to do this, we're going to do it authentically and we are going to do it from the time that we start our empty nest journey.

So in the midst of trying to get her ready, you know, to move basically across the country almost to go to school, I'm also trying to design the studio, paint. were a lot of things going on, but.

Rick Denton (08:49)
there's the nesting phase in that ninth month of pregnancy. I look back to that moment that it was almost the nesting phase of the empty nest. It's the tearing down of the nest, if you will. It was that flurry of activity. I feel like mirrors the flurry of activity that is taking place in that ninth month of pregnancy.

Clancy Denton (09:12)
And I know people do there are people and friends of ours who have totally changed their kids room after they left We did not do that. I left their rooms the way they were until Tanners has now been transformed, but that's because Tanner is out on his own now so But Teagan still, you know, she still has a year and a half left of school. So her still looks the exact same so yeah, so we did we took her to school and

We got back and we sat down.

That's when we were still recording on our phone. We didn't have our camera.

Rick Denton (09:51)
Well, if you go back and you look, can see the lighting's not so great, the sound I think was okay, but still, and I think that was as we, those first few episodes, there's not a lot of planning that went into it. It really was sit down, hit record, and talk. And that's our joke, is we say that these were simply therapy sessions that we hit record on and then chose to upload to the pod verse.

Clancy Denton (10:17)
We really do try to bring new topics, new ideas. Some are generated by questions that we put out on the group. Some are, you know, we're starting to have more guests on now. ⁓ Things that we just thought would be interesting for our

demographic and so now we do put a little more planning into our episodes. They are still very raw and unscripted but we do try to have at least a little outline for us to follow

As most people know, podcasters like to talk and so sometimes we can just ramble on.

Rick Denton (11:02)
And a lot of that is truly driven by a community now that didn't exist at the beginning. And so as you all have expressed questions or needs, we like to talk about those. So thank you all for that.

Clancy Denton (11:13)
So that's when we decided to start the podcast and got it started. you have to have a name and that name. No, it's hard. It's really hard when you you sometimes people get the name before they've created the podcast. We decided to do this podcast and we're like, OK, we need a name. And.

Rick Denton (11:21)
easy.

Clancy Denton (11:37)
even remember again how this came to me but I think I had heard someone referred to something as you know the the house is just so quiet that it's loud and I was like ⁓ that would be an awesome name the loud quiet and then we added empty nest living to it and that's how the name was born

I just think that name really resonates with a lot of people that are in this stage of life. And again, in a stage of life that there's just not a lot.

the empty nest and how to do the empty nest.

Rick Denton (12:25)
You know, I like the way you're saying that because I think a lot of experiences the empty nest is done to them and that's really what we've embraced and we want others to embrace is you do the empty nest and it is a just like talking about that moment when are we gonna make it after a sentence like you said in the car it was an intentional choice.

We need to do something. And I think that's the encouragement we'd offer others if you're, you know, feeling a little adrift in this phase. Do. Choose. Take control of it rather than feeling controlled.

Clancy Denton (12:59)
Yes, the year of say yes was kind of our mantra the first year and then we were out and we over indexed probably a little bit just like I would say this month we've over indexed on a lot of things, but it's still fun and it's still I wouldn't have not done all the things that we've done already. You know, I wouldn't take anything back and there are times that

Rick Denton (13:07)
Is that?

Clancy Denton (13:27)
We have had to look at each other and just be like, no, I can't do it. I can't do what we had planned tonight. We're just gonna put on our comfy clothes and watch TV on our couch. It can't all be. Fill, fill, fill, fill your calendar.

Rick Denton (13:44)
saying yes to comfy clothes. It's not saying no to going out, it's saying yes to comfy clothes.

Clancy Denton (13:50)
And that's what, you know, I think it's just, we have been and tried to be as honest as possible. I mean, really, if you know us personally outside of the podcast, we are pretty much open books. We will talk about anything.

that you ask us.

Rick Denton (14:16)
Hey, can I interrupt with a thought? That just triggered a thought. I'm gonna ask y'all, anyone who's listening right now or viewing, would you wanna do an AMA with us and ask me anything? If you'd like the Loud Quiet to do a live event, let us know. Throw a message our way. You can send us a message on the website or get in touch with us through the comments. Hey, if there's demand for it, we'd love to help out anyone who's got questions out there. So if that's of interest, let us know.

Yeah, there you can see it's not scripted

Clancy Denton (14:48)
Yeah, because I do feel like we will be honest because again, it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. There have been, you know, some hard times and especially dealing with when your kids are going through tough times and they're not under your roof. You know, I think that was one of the hardest things.

to deal with as a parent and to continue to deal with is just trying to help them when they are not physically in your space.

Rick Denton (15:28)
And if you want more information about that, there is an episode, it's in one of the first ten episodes, I can't remember which one, we'll put it in the show notes, but there is definitely a story to be told there.

Clancy Denton (15:38)
there's lots of good stories and and some you know, there are I have broken down on this podcast we have gone through the deaths of a parent and a grandparent, know, there's just a lot of life that has been lived these past two years and we have really enjoyed sharing that with y'all and

And like I said, now, again, even though some of our episodes are more planned, we still are trying to bring that authenticity and rawness. And when we're planning our episodes, there's definitely times that we pick at each other and disagree. And so that has been something different that didn't necessarily happen in the very beginning.

Rick Denton (16:30)
Yeah, choosing to

go into business together and you mentioned that I had a podcast by myself. You know how a lot of times there's bands that exist and then they break up because they want to do their own solo artistry thing. We did the reverse. I was a solo artist and then joined the band. And learning how to creatively have these combats, these creative battles with each other.

has been interesting to do it as business partners and life partners because you have to honor both of those elements. And sometimes the business partner, no, you have to really disagree, whereas the life partner, might be, okay, no, we can let that one go or whatever. Because this is something we're doing as a business, it has changed the nature of how we have those.

creative sparring sessions and it's taught me a lot about how to do that.

Clancy Denton (17:32)
think that's talking about the creativity. think that is really been one of my favorite things to come out of this is that I've really enjoyed creative writing when I was in college and even high school. And, you know, that kind of got pushed to the side when, you know, obviously I did not go down a career path of that.

So I have really enjoyed getting back into that creative space and just realizing that both of us had so much of a creative brain that I didn't necessarily know you had.

Rick Denton (18:19)
Out

of context that makes me sound like this is absolute.

Clancy Denton (18:24)
No, creative brain is different than...

Rick Denton (18:27)
No, I meant like just I'm a pure logic machine.

Clancy Denton (18:30)
You are very logical. You can't deny that.

Rick Denton (18:34)
But now I'm creatively logical, so it's awesome.

Clancy Denton (18:36)
But I think I just have really enjoyed that aspect of it and to the, you know, even taking it further in that we have been working on a project since February and we are ready to share that and put it out there that yes, we have a book coming out.

Rick Denton (18:52)
This is the big reveal.

Clancy Denton (19:05)
later this year, maybe early next year, depending on how everything gets published, but the manuscript is done.

Rick Denton (19:15)
moment to see that in a completed version.

Clancy Denton (19:17)
It was very exciting and this has been our baby that we've been working on, like I said, since probably February.

Rick Denton (19:25)
And it's been a secret baby. know, pregnancy is show. This one's been a little private one. And so it is exciting.

Clancy Denton (19:31)
your

parasol and then you can keep yours private until...

Rick Denton (19:35)
And that's context. I don't even know what you're talking about.

So it's gonna be exciting for us.

And we want to keep the community engaged in this process. And so there'll be opportunities that the community can be involved. And we'll have more information about that as we get closer to the launch. We wanted y'all to know that this is about to come to fruition and hopefully share a little of that excitement that we feel is it's coming real very soon.

Clancy Denton (20:02)
Yes, so we will keep you posted on the progress

So yes, we hope that that can be a help to people that are about to enter this phase. And, you know, just like all of us, what does empty nest living mean to you? You know, we, in this book, that's what we really tried to put into words is what this has meant to us based on our podcast and episodes.

Just think about that. What is this phase meant to you so far?

you balancing the loud and the quiet, you know, you've got to find that sweet spot of not letting the quiet become so loud that it overtakes all of your space.

Rick Denton (20:55)
So that's the origin story of how the loud quiet came to be from a pretty meaningful moment for us and a choice to take that moment, not in a path of breaking apart, but rather coming together and finding a way to really thrive in this empty nest.

Hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks for listening to The Loud Quiet.