Did We Reconnect in Mexico? – Empty Nest Couple’s Getaway - E110

Clancy Denton (00:06)
Hey guys, welcome back to the Loud Quiet. We thought we would talk about Thanksgiving, in a different way. I'm sure we've done Thanksgiving episodes the past two years, but for some of us that have college age kids, they don't always get the week off at Thanksgiving.

Rick Denton (00:30)
It is amazing to me that universities don't do that because people are going from all over the country and all over the world.

Clancy Denton (00:32)
And what's crazy?

And I didn't think that was a thing because where I went to school and where you went to school, we got the we got.

Rick Denton (00:46)
No, I didn't. you did? ⁓ it was always and this was before flights were super flexible. There was always that kind of guessing game that my parents and I had around which ticket to buy, which professor do you think would be cool about it? We had it was official classes did not end until five o'clock on Wednesday.

Clancy Denton (00:47)
No.

pretty

sure that we had Thanksgiving week off, but you know what, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I didn't even think about it because I drove. For me, the distance was not far enough, so we just drove. But I kind of remember that we were to even back up, okay, am I gonna have my Friday class the week before Thanksgiving break? I seem to remember that, but I know, I'd have to check with the ones that are at Baylor now to

Rick Denton (01:34)
that triggers a thought for me. I'm curious for those of you that are part of the loud, quiet community, what about your kids? Do they have the whole week off or do they just have a partial week? For those of you that have kids in college right now, and actually go all the way back, for those of you that went to college, did you recall having the whole week off or just a portion of it? If you and I have a different experience, I'm really curious what the spectrum inside the community.

if you're not a part of that already head over to theloudquiet.com and you'll see the link for the community you can join it there.

Clancy Denton (02:04)
So Rick and I started talking about this a couple of months ago because we actually wrote an article about it. it would devastate me if my kids could not be home for Thanksgiving.

I understand that if you have a Wednesday night class in Arizona that your professor is not going to cancel. And some of these professors do things like, and we're going to have a quiz that night, or you get bonus points if you're here. And I get it. That's their class time. But they're local.

A lot of these kids are not local and want to get home to their families.

Rick Denton (02:52)
Tegan

both had friends from the Midwest and some even from the Northeast. You simply cannot reasonably do a Thanksgiving trip in two days. They're there, and that's what we wanted to do with these tips is kind of share for those of you that might be experiencing this, especially for those of you that are new into the empty nest, and it hurts even just a little bit more that your kid's not coming home for Thanksgiving, here's some tips to help out with that.

Clancy Denton (03:00)
No, it's, ⁓

Rick Denton (03:22)
in that situation.

Clancy Denton (03:23)
Yes, and again, we've experienced one of these or a couple of these on other holidays, but we have been fortunate enough that we've been able to work it out that they have come to wherever we are doing.

Rick Denton (03:37)
Or there was one year where our kids couldn't come home, or actually it was just better for us to take Thanksgiving to the kids. So we did that. That actually, I'll tease ahead a little bit. It's a greatest hits episode, but on Thanksgiving Day, we will release that episode when we did Turkey Day in Tempe. So a look ahead for a couple weeks where you'll be able to enjoy what it's like when you take Thanksgiving to your kids.

Clancy Denton (04:00)
was one of my favorite ones. The food was not so great, but that was just such a fun experience that we got to do because our kids overlapped years ⁓ in Arizona. So that was fun. But yeah, so we just compiled some thoughts that, if you are in this situation, one thing you can do, send a Thanksgiving care package. We have traditional

snack foods that we make. We call it Texas trash. It's basically homemade Chuck's mix, but we've grown up calling it Texas trash.

Rick Denton (04:40)
Better

than ChexMix. ⁓

Clancy Denton (04:42)
It's better than what? Oh, Chex Mix. Yes, for sure. It's better than the bag Chex Mix. But, you know, and my parents' family called it Party Mix. That's what we called it growing up. But I always remember my dad making it and you make it every year. I don't know why that's the dad thing.

Rick Denton (04:59)
You need a little dash of testosterone just to make it come out just right.

Clancy Denton (05:03)
But you can send that to them in a box. If there's different things, I know some people may start making their Christmas treats around that time too. Those things are usually pretty easy to pack. There's also, I do this a lot. I just did it for Halloween for Tegan. Amazon has great care packages that are already compiled and

If you have a college student like ours where, you know, they like all the little junkie snacks. And so I have done that on several holidays when we're not together.

Rick Denton (05:44)
Yeah, you know what, let's do this. Let's pick a few of the ones that you've used and really liked, and we'll drop those in the show notes with an affiliate link that y'all can use if you've got a care package that you want to send your kids with Thanksgiving or any other time.

Clancy Denton (05:56)
And they even make ones like if your kid is a very

about protein, they make ones with all protein, high protein snacks. They just have a lot of good variety.

Rick Denton (06:09)
That's not a care package. That is not my definition of a care package.

Clancy Denton (06:13)
Some children that is.

Rick Denton (06:15)
carbs,

salt, and lard. You know, something else that you can do. And it's all about kind of keeping family traditions as intact as possible across the distance. There may be a shared playlist or a movie night that you can share. one of our family's favorite movies, and it often kicks off right there around Thanksgiving or the day after Thanksgiving, is Elf, right? You're kicking into that Christmas season.

You can time it to where you watch it together and maybe you're on the phone together, but even if not, you can just know that you're both watching it and having that moment of the shared movie night or the playlist that is something that can just be enjoyed.

Clancy Denton (06:57)
we didn't put this in this list, but it just came to me that, know, football is huge for us on Thanksgiving. you know, and I know like when we're talking to our other relatives sometimes that aren't here, you can hear the football game in the background. So even having the football game on at the same time and texting back and forth with what's going on, that's another way to stay connected.

Rick Denton (07:23)
And you can put it on speaker so that y'all can bemoan how bad the Cowboys are this year again And I say that as a Cowboys fan, I it hurts me a lot

Clancy Denton (07:30)
you

so yes, that can be a great way. And then if your kid loves the Thanksgiving meal, the meal, there are so many places and I would imagine in any college town, there will be access to restaurants that will have that meal. I know at our daughter's school,

they actually do an on-campus where you can go pick it up from the cafeteria. They have them pre-made and you can go pick it up. So if that is important to your child, if that's been their tradition, that's a way that you can still send them a little bit of that feeling of, okay, I am still getting some of the things that I'm missing.

Rick Denton (08:24)
Because in spite of what all of the therapists will tell you, food is love. And so sending that special meal for your kid is important. I know that I, thankfully, I was able to come home all four of my years. I know that had I not been able to, this would have been one of the most important things. This would have, now I probably would have been cutting it with a little bit of tears.

Clancy Denton (08:46)
Rick loves the Thanksgiving meal. That is his favorite holiday meal. Even over our Tenderloin at Christmas.

Rick Denton (08:52)
I think it really is.

Well, we don't wanna digress too much. We may have to have that discussion afterwards. ⁓

Clancy Denton (09:01)
But

Rick is a huge pecan pie fan. And so there is always a homemade pecan pie. Well, the year we went to Tempe, we could not. But as we discovered, Costco does a pretty good job with their pecan pie.

Rick Denton (09:15)
very surprised that a store-bought pie can do so well. absolutely, there's ways to make that meal. The other part is, you know, there's so much weight that we put on traditions. And if you really step back, and even I'm most guilty about stepping in, but if you step back, this is just an arbitrary date in a calendar that we have marked with a certain set of activities. And that's what family traditions are, but don't feel trapped by those.

This may be a chance for your student when they're not at home, they may be able to explore some new traditions. If they prefer tortellini over turkey, more power to them. This could be a chance. And I know this is a really sort of sensitive thing, but it could be a way for them to explore what they want their traditions to

Clancy Denton (10:04)
I think it's a very sensitive thing for you.

Rick Denton (10:07)
I could see a lot of families that know this is our today.

Clancy Denton (10:09)
I

just saying, in our family,

I would do something different for Thanksgiving, but I know how important it is to you. And I also know that there are certain sides that get made that my children would probably kill me if I said, BB's not gonna make the mashed potatoes casserole this year. So I know there are things, but yes, that was known when we got together that.

Thanksgiving food is not my favorite, but I get the tradition that it holds and I have always gone along with it.

Rick Denton (10:45)
I like the way you're saying that because it actually is reinforcing the point that this is about helping your student feel comfortable while they're away from home. So really tap into and ask them what would give them comfort. If it's just a big old bucket of cookies, well then give them a big old bucket of cookies. It's about what will make them comfortable in this time where they're separated from the family due to travel.

Clancy Denton (11:09)
Yeah, and you know, when you bring that up, again, you have to think that your entire family is here and they're the only one that's not. just, and I know tons of kids do it. mean, Tegan is the only one in her apartment that is going home for Thanksgiving. so it just, it breaks my heart, but that's just become.

the norm, I think, for a lot of these kids that have classes up until Wednesday and then need to be back by Sunday. Sometimes you just can't work it out. So just be mindful that they may not be.

especially if this is their first time to do this, they may have a little bit of an attitude. They may be feeling a little bit jealous and hurt that they don't get to be there. So just be gentle. And I would say that if we have any students that are listening, be gentle with your parents too, because you may be having the time of your life on your own or doing things with your friends at stage.

Rick Denton (12:20)
Don't overemphasize it.

Clancy Denton (12:22)
And so coming from a mother's heart, that can really hurt as well.

if your child is there and is with maybe they've got a few friends that also stayed behind. You know, there are things probably still going on in the community. There's also campus. Opportunities, like I said, sometimes the meal is can be purchased on the campus. I know I have seen several moms post on our college moms group.

If your kiddo is gonna be here, please let me know. Our home is always open. So there are things available in some areas. If your child is comfortable with that, there also may be some serving opportunities as well.

you may have to, as the parent, do a little digging for them because even like the- This would be totally new to them. Yeah, even like the posts that I've already seen them starting. Hey, my house is open. The kid's not going to see that. So letting them know, I've seen these things. Would that interest you? Because we can reach out. So just being aware that they don't have to just sit in their apartment or dorm room the whole time.

Rick Denton (13:45)
And this is one that's got a little bit of a bonus tip associated with it. It kind of flips it on its head. If you are a family that has the opportunity to open your doors to a student, let's say that you live in or near a college community, make it known, if this works for your family and your traditions, make it known that you would be open to that extra student or students coming and joining your Thanksgiving.

Who knows, it might be like fostering a puppy that it gives you a little bit of comfort while your student is away. You've got a replacement student.

Clancy Denton (14:17)
I'm

glad you said that and I know we put it in our article but I didn't even think about that with you know we are one of our kids is local now if some of those kids can't go home we should open you we should tell them you know my mom would be more than happy to host you know as many

Rick Denton (14:37)
she'll open the doors to anybody. Okay, well there it is, because this will come out before Thanksgiving. So for those of our sons, friends, feel free to join us at the Esh Thanksgiving.

Clancy Denton (14:43)
You

Well, okay, maybe I should ask her first. Surprise. I know she wouldn't say yes.

Rick Denton (14:55)
something that we didn't necessarily have available to us, and those that might have been stuck at school for Thanksgiving when we were there, were all the digital options. if it means that your family has a tradition that every Thanksgiving you start making and baking those Christmas cookies, or how

Ours is, know, Tegan makes the pecan pie and we joke about how she needs to have the right level of rage to make sure that the pecan pie is good. Well, how can you do those on a call together, on a Zoom together, connecting over and using those digital tools to, it never will replicate being together in person, but it can give an element of connectivity that just didn't exist a decade or so ago.

Clancy Denton (15:41)
Yeah, have their place set at the table and pop your laptop up and have them, you know, while they're eating whatever they're eating and you're eating whatever you're eating and you can, you know, still have a conversation. had Tanner was in Japan over Easter one year and that's what we did. We made sure that we had a FaceTime call and everyone could see him and he could see everyone and you know, it

doesn't make it easier, but at least it still includes both aspects of family.

Rick Denton (16:16)
my gosh, that just clicked. We're going to be doing that with your family as well, with your brother. Years! Because he is working overseas. So he and his wife will be calling, FaceTiming at moments when we were opening gifts Christmas Eve, he'd be there on FaceTime.

Clancy Denton (16:22)
we've done that for you.

And it is nice that, yes, you can have the visual along with the voice. For us, it was just voice. Now you can see them face to face too. and all of these things really are adjusting traditions. But one that comes to mind is maybe do your Thanksgiving.

on another day. Like if you can't do it on Thanksgiving Day, but say your child is able to come home on Friday of that week, know, push your Thanksgiving. It doesn't necessarily matter what day it's on. mean, people celebrate their birthdays for an entire month now. So we can push a holiday to another day.

Rick Denton (17:19)
Just because Snoopy and the Pilgrims pop popcorn together on the third Thursday or the fourth Thursday or whatever it is in November doesn't mean that you have to do that. So do whatever tradition you want.

Clancy Denton (17:29)
And

we have done this for Christmas Eve's. I don't know that we've done it for Thanksgiving, but I know we've probably done back to back Thanksgiving's like when we, in our early years when we were trying to do both families. But I know we've done Christmas Eve on two days before Christmas because we were either going to Japan or going to Austin. So you can shift and usually,

Rick Denton (17:42)
That's all.

Clancy Denton (17:58)
At this age, since most of us are older and our kids are older, the day doesn't necessarily matter as much as the time together if you're able to shift it one way or the other.

Rick Denton (18:14)
I will ask all of y'all, these are the tips that we have come up with. But for those of you that have experienced this before, having had your student away from home or just your own creativity on ideas, would you share those ideas on the Facebook community, the loud, quiet, emptiness living? This is going to help someone.

I think that's what I would say. There's going to be someone in that community that's in this situation that your tip is going to help them. So would you be the one that shares that tip that really helps them through this time?

Clancy Denton (18:44)
I think when we were thinking about this subject, this really is an area that, again, like we said, we never experienced growing up because we were always able to make it home for holidays. So this may be new territory for you and.

definitely for your student who's, know, especially freshman year, if they've gone off now and they can't come home for Thanksgiving. And I know, you know, our children being several states away, they did not come home until Thanksgiving was the first time they came home. We had to go there. just again, be gentle, be gentle with yourself, be gentle with your child.

We have to rule with things now that we weren't necessarily expecting. And how the parents handle that will definitely affect how your student receives and processes what they're having to deal with, maybe being away from their family for the first time on a holiday.

Rick Denton (20:01)
That's

a great point because if they feel like they're they're the ones feeling it their way But if they feel like they have to make mom and dad Feel good that puts additional pressure on them. It's not an ideal situation for anyone But there's ways to help it be better

Clancy Denton (20:14)
No.

And

luckily with college students and Thanksgiving being so late this year, there's just a few weeks before they get to come home for Christmas and be home for a longer break. I would just have to keep that in my head, especially as a mom. I would just have to keep saying that they'll be home in 20 days or they'll be home.

Rick Denton (20:31)
Which has its ⁓ own setting.

Clancy Denton (20:45)
hope that some of these tips may help you out if you're dealing with this for the first time and thanks again for listening to another episode of The Loud Quiet.